Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
