Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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