Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
