I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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