no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
