nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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