margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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