I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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