sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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