I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
