he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
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