Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
