new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
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Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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