If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
