Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
