i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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