Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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