the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
