I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
