i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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