I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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