I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
