I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
