The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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