I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
