It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
