I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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