I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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