Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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