You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
