Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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