I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
