So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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