I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
