You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize