i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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