AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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