sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
