I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
