did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
