sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
