O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
