this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
