When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
