Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
