Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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