i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
