so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
