I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
