on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
