fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
