1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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