they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Bring me that man meat
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
