okay pat passed out under dana's car
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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