Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
