escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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