Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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