i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
