and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
