So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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