is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
