Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i want to swaddle you in tequila
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
