highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
