I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
