Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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