We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
