I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he shaved USA in his pubs
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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