what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
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