best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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