He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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