these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
