Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
