part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
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I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
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I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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