The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
