just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
