Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
