I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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