He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
