we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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