just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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