We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
