brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
